Ghost in my heart

“Everything comes from nothingness and existence is the mother of everything.”(无，名天地之始也。有，名万物之母). Words from Daoist philosopher Laozi show that if we understand things through the grand universe, our existence is interdependent with the universe. The intangible transforms into the tangible, they are two interesting elements that coexist in nature. The philosophy of Daoism always enlightens my way of life. Yangming Wang’s Study of the Mind discusses a fascinating way to view the existence of things. “When you haven't looked at this flower, this flower and your heart will return to silence, as if it never existed; when you look at this flower, its color is clearly displayed in front of you at this moment, so that Then you know that this flower does not exist independently of your consciousness.”(你未看此花时，此花与汝心同归于寂；你来看此花时，则此花颜色一时明白起来). Existence and non-existence may just be between the blinks of our thoughts. There is an abyss beneath our illusory sense of connection with the world. Because of the unknown, unexplored, and uncertain, we are incapable of deciding whether something does or does not exist.

 “With no desire, to observe its subtlety; With desire, learn its essence and boundary.” (故恒无欲, 以观其眇; 恒有欲也, 以观其所徼) In a way, we only use our senses to observe and understand the nature of things, things that are constantly changing. How impermanent and fragile things are if I want to hold them. Our emotions resonate with this change. The river of time makes everything ambiguous. Wisdom from Buddhism, the three imprints of truth: All acts are transient, essential universal truths contain no ego-self, and the state of nirvana is perfect tranquility. Buddhism allows me to see my desires, and the desire leads to suffering. It is a simple truth, the road to practice is long and endless.

 The tree that lived in the story of Zhuangzi always reminded me not to put prejudice on anything. In the story, “There is such a big tree, why worry that it is useless, why not plant it in a place where nothing grows, plant it in the boundless wilderness, wander around the tree leisurely, and lie under the tree carelessly. A tree cannot be felled with an ax, nor can anything harm it. Although it didn't come in handy, where would there be any difficulties? " The tree is useless from the human’s eye, it freely and happily survives in nature. The allowing-ness of existence is a big part that I have to deal with. Even though people tend to pursue a concrete, structured, logical, and stable object in their world, I’m looking after those ephemeral, incomplete, weak, uncertain, and disappearance of things.

The way and the truth of nature are always there, forgetting self and reliving in nature will help us find the true ground of being in this universe. As for the act of painting itself, I see it as a way of meditation. It always starts from an empty canvas or paper, the material held in my hand and me present in front of it. While doing the process, I came into a selfless stage and immersed myself in this great process. I can see that my painting reflects the inner world. Whether it is letting the emotion be said out loud, or retraining my emotion into peace. Fear may stop me from painting. It is reflective of my heart at the moment. When I explore the boundary of the painting, it is also a contemplation of life itself.

 The wisdom from Buddhism and Daoism, tells how humans find their belonging on this planet. It is still a personal journey for each of us, evoking our sensation to observe the beauty of life. 

“ Beauty is in your mind, not in the rose.”

Said by American abstractionist painter Agnes Martin, her words touched me.

“We say this rose is beautiful

And when this rose is destroyed then we have lost something

So that beauty has been lost

When the rose is destroyed we grieve

But really beauty is unattached

And a clear mind sees it

The rose represents nature

But it isn’t the rose

Beauty is unattached, It’s inspiration-it’s inspiration” (The Untroubled Mind, Martin)